This past few days and weeks at Inspired by Autism have produced some of the most disappointing situations and responses to these situations, that I can remember.
Across a range of disabilities, situations and age ranges the one constant has been the fact that all responses have been simply from a resource / service perspective. The system is broken and even the pretence of meeting needs seems to have vanished. The systems are bursting with insulting and poorly thought out ‘ strategies ‘ that deliver nothing beyond their fancy names. Over paid professionals play the game and take the money from the public purse without a care.
Our local government structure is broken also and even the well meaning who want to serve their electorate are powerless due to unholy and political alliances.
It also appears that our government have quietly decided to scrap the Carers Parliament- not the best forum admittedly- but a small token of recognition , a day for Carers to experience a little of the life and perks that our MSP’s and FM have every day.
These events and facts lay me low. I fight these battles for those with no voice, driven by a hope of finding some justice, some small improvements. If I lose hope however, what message does that send to our families? So I must keep the faith but my faith is not in local authorities, councils, policy makers or politicians. No, my faith is in the commitment and resilience, dedication and love that unpaid Carers, spouses and parents show every day of their journeys.
Well it’s been a long and eventful summer holidays but we have survived! After some difficult weeks when Andy struggled with sensory issues and mood swings that we think arise from hormonal changes, he has been much more like his old self – giggly and mischievous! This week routine should be returning and although Andy does not attend school a sense of normality will hopefully help him.
At Inspired by Autism things are starting to pick up too. Today I delivered my first autism training event of the new session to the wonderful classroom assistants at Dunoon Grammar School. My input was received very positively and I learned also about their role and challenges. I hope it is the start of a productive relationship with our local high school.
It was also nice to receive some recognition from our MP and I will most certainly be thinking how we can use Brendan’s kind offer of support in the near future!
Today I was privileged to witness a partner displaying that deep commitment and love that characterises the role filled by so many Carers every day. It is a humbling and life affirming experience and such is the emotion and warmth it generates, I always find it deeply touching.
This display of selflessness happens in many different circumstances but the degree and intensity of course varies.
For so many Carers, in so many almost impossible and never ending situations, it is the reward of pure reciprocal love experienced by giving of themselves unconditionally, that keeps life going.
“If we affirm one single moment, we thus affirm not only ourselves but all existence. For nothing is self-sufficient, neither in us ourselves nor in things; and if our soul has trembled with happiness and sounded like a harp string just once, all eternity was needed to produce this one event—and in this single moment of affirmation all eternity was called good, redeemed, justified, and affirmed.” Nietzsche
What a week the first one of the school holidays turned out to be!
Given Andy’s recent difficulties with sensory processing we had already taken the decision not to risk him handling the planned family break to a caravan, and on balance this was probably the correct choice. It is always a case of balancing what we think he would enjoy versus the challenges a new environment will bring and we always give this much thought and consideration. It was however difficult to have to split up at what should be a family time. I went with Andy’s brother and sister for the first couple of days, leaving Jen at home with Andy. His hyperactivity through the night is continuing and it is definitely better managed at home.
On the Tuesday Jen and I had been invited to the Royal Garden Party in Edinburgh and with the help of Nuala, Andy’s Carer and my brother and his family, we were able to attend. It was great to have our role as Carers and the work of Inspired by Autism recognised in this way.
Jen then spent the remainder of the week at the caravan with our other two, while I went home and looked after Andy for a few days.
While Jen and the kids had a great time away, Andy and I had a happy and eventful couple of days. Among other things we went to the supermarket where Andy had a go on a mobility scooter before purchasing a rather large Birthday cake that he devoured with the help of our Labrador, Bailey! Again my sister and her husband visited to give me a few hours off and make sure I managed to cope with the lack of sleep.
It was great to all be united again at the weekend and despite all our travels and excitement of the week I felt most contented back in our garden , enjoying the sunshine with Andy and Bailey yesterday. We had all got through the practical and emotional challenges of the last week and that was a good feeling.
I’ve been trying to comment on this annual phenomenon all week but have simply been too busy being a Carer. So before it’s shoved on the shelf for another year by those who have enough time and energy to celebrate it, perhaps I can make one or two observations? Ask a few straightforward questions?
Why are proper and legal Carer’s assessments so rarely carried out AND delivered on by local authorities?
Will the (delayed) Carer’s Act actually be robust enough to deliver any real change for those in the Carer’s role?
Will proper emergency and future plans be put in place with this Act?
Will adequate respite services be promoted, extended and provided to give every Carer a chance to recharge even once a month?
Everything else is window dressing and insult to a group of people who save the public purse an estimated £10.8 billion per year.
A year and a bit into our dog adventures as a family, I remain absolutely smitten with my love for our Labrador, Bailey. This weekend we have had my good friend Barry’s dog staying for a few nights. Skye is a beautiful wee Dalmatian cross and a sweeter wee dog you’d struggle to find.
As autism parents we have something of a stressful life and recently it has been particularly difficult for us all as Andy’s sensory processing differences continue to plague him.
For a while yesterday afternoon things really started to get to me. Like so many others, I too, am prone to bouts of anxiety and depression and yesterday the pressure and worry about Andy had me in a downward spiral. Experience teaches us though, that as George Harrison sang, all things must pass and this sentiment often helps me through this type of difficulty.
This morning I took Bailey and Skye for our usual walk in the woods behind our home. The sun streamed through the deep greens of the foliage and the woods and trails were quiet. I walked slowly but steadily and became engrossed in the surroundings and my canine companions, happily bounding around . My thoughts slowed and my anxieties dissipated as I stole an hour to myself with these beautiful dogs. My mood lifted and things seemed better as I returned to family life.
I don’t know how I managed without a dog for so long.
Andy’s period of hibernation from the world has largely continued this week. He has been mostly still confined to his room or on an odd occasion ventured downstairs.
The best it got was a late evening of hyperactivity where he made it into the garden. It was something of a false dawn ( or dusk !) however as he resorted to type the following day. It was a lovely sight though to see him burst into the garden and reconnect with the outside world with excited stims. (See pic!)
One of the problems seems to be the interaction between Andy’s various autistic traits. Like a domino effect the hyper sensitivity to bright light, that confines him to his darkened room, eventually becomes the routine. The need for repetition and rigidity then conspires to make this the ‘ norm’. The same way this rigidity can be utilised in a positive way to reinforce helpful routines around everyday activities e.g. Personal care, it can also trap Andy in less positive situations.
We will keep observing, supporting, loving and encouraging Andy, but it is taking time that the outside world often fails to understand and accept.
Andy is having a bit of a miserable time just now. Once again it appears that his sensory processing differences and the bright weather we are experiencing are combining badly for him.
For nearly a fortnight he has been largely confined to the perceived safety of his bedroom, eyes crinkled against the light, wrapped in a duvet. The few times we have been out it has been like smuggling a hostage out, with hoods up and blankets over his head.
Of course Andy cannot tell us , so as always we are making educated guesses, while monitoring him closely. He has not been eating much though has been drinking, but even making his way to the bathroom in his own home, is appearing to be a challenge for him. This ‘ micro transitioning ‘ from one environment to another makes life very difficult. Getting in and out of the car or buildings or into the garden can all prove highly challenging. The unpredictability of it all makes plans virtually impossible.
I love my precious boy with every ounce of my being, but seeing him like this is awful. It’s also why I would take this aspect of his autism away in a heartbeat if I could.
Some weeks the up and down nature of life as an autism parent leaves you feeling a little drained.
The week started with a follow up meeting to a complaint about desperately poor practice that affected my precious boy and my disappointment at realising that what was considered unacceptable previously is now become just the way it is. Suck it up innocent young people with disabilities your life chances just got fewer because things are getting so bad that we have changed the goalposts again.
My involvement in the local health care policy forum saw me attend a meeting that was considered positive by some, but involved more talk of cuts in budget and provision. We are fighting not for the services, but rather the right to simply have our views heard.
The local initiative for autism services has resorted to type as the ineffectual private members entity it previously was.
Finally our failing education system sticks with the ‘ every thing is fine here’ mantra.
The daily struggle of supporting Andy bookends every encounter with authority and I’m tired of the dishonesty that affects my precious boy and so many others like him.
Jen and I have just returned from a short break with David and Helen. This trip however marked several milestones.
It was the first time we had went over seas leaving our precious boy at home in Scotland. We spent 4 nights in Germany at my best friend’s home. It was a challenge for all of us and had been a long time in coming. As a family we have arrived at this point through a slow and careful process of Andy becoming more and more comfortable at respite and of us being able to overcome our anxieties and build trust in our Carers. Dealing with our emotions, our guilt, sadness and anxieties and recognising our responsibility to give Helen and David new and exciting experiences takes time and effort. They finally got to fly in an aeroplane and go to Europe. Andy was happy and relaxed at respite. Our Carers stepped up to the challenge too, and kept Andy safe and happy.
Jen and I are immensely grateful to everyone who helped make this happen.